its been 2 months since i update here. d missing feeling is still there, thinking wat were u doing up there...thinking whether did u ever drop by to visit us...sumtimes tears flow down without realising it.

d other day, went to MMC to visit a fren of mine. i pass by the room which u finally decide to leave the world and went to a better place. my heart ache, i nearly teared but i hold bek...sigh

till today...i still tink a lot about u...

i was browsing thru the magazines at The Borders and this poster catch my attention...

wedding day was supposed to be a happy event...but sumhow this bridegroom wasnt in a smiling face. right there in the poster stated "Wish you were here to share my happiest day,Mum". her mum did not survived in cervical cancer.

i noe how she feel...wenever i attend sumbody's wedding, my heart ache...i was putting myself into the bridegroom shoes and i nearly teared ... tinking tat u wont be here with me at this very big day. i remember wen the doctor ask u "do u wan to witness all ur daughter getting married and drink your son-in-law's tea?". u were nodding your head ... but it sadden me tat u really do not have the chance to witness ur girls getting married in front of u

last 2 years, your surprise birthday...i took leave on friday and shoot bek to mlk on thrusday after work without letting you noe. you were surprised wen i show up at the end of the birthday song.

tis year, which is on 11 July 2008 (chinese calander), i took leave on friday and shoot bek to mlk on thursday after work, but not to celebrate your birthday...but for your one year death anniversary. as usual, popo, ah yi and uncle shed tears

mother's day without u.... =(

and i still......miss u....... =(

last week, ta yi from spore and siao yi frm seremban came bek to Malacca. yay~! since my mum is not around anymore, my aunties are just like our mother this time. been calling us from time to time to ask bout us..chat with us and bring us out for dinner wen they're at Malacca.

so we met up for dinner together with popo. popo was so thin this time. she didnt put on her usual smiling face whenever she sees us. unlike last time, she's the happy go lucky type. she will tell jokes with us and gossip with us too, just like my mum...like Mother like Daughter. don mess with my popo cos she's d modern type! but now, her body shrink and her eyes swollen (been crying practically everyday just like me). i did tok to her not to cry as she had just went for cataract operation and its not good for her eyes...she answer me "The day your mum went till today, i still cry over her till today as well". i burst out to tears...even now as i was typing this..


while we were having dinner together, i was observing her tiny mouth munching the food. her eyes was watery and red, i noe that she's trying hard not to cry in front of me and my sisters.


by the time we finish our dinner and left the place, i saw her took out her handkerchief and wipe off her tears...


the next day, we met up for lunch. while ta yi was chatting with us, ta yi took out one picture from her handbag.

last year CNY pic they took together. she said "this pic is already 1 year. at that time, ur mum actually knows she's not feeling well ady, but she didnt see doc. her body shrink a bit huh?".

we quiet and i ask "Why did u bring that pic out?".

Ta yi answered "I aways carry this pic with me wherever i go".

My heart sank....

somehow, whenever im doing cooking alone at your kitchen, i will feel that u're standing close to me and gave me a proud smile .... proud smile that says i'm a grown up now ....

so wat im grown up? wats the point of growing up without u?

8 months without u was like a disaster...i seriously missed your voice and your laughter and wenever you join us making jokes around ....

again the same old question always comes to my mind...y must it had to be you!? i asked God this question wenever i do my prayers, but my heart went soft later on and i ask God to guard you all the time...taking care or you wen we r not around with u

Ma, can u drop by and visit us from time to time? i wish to see u soon.......

my ex senior manager from KL (wen i was at KL working i reported under her) called me up today and i was shocked!

we were asking about each other and then she continued saying "wel, the reason i called u up today is becoz....i haven't go thru your boss 1st but i would like to ask you 1st instead."

i was like "uh huh" ( heart beat damn freaking fast!)

senior manager continue "i want to offer you one job over here. based at PJ."

and i said "err...u mean the same position i handle back at KL?"

senior manager "no no, it will be a higher position bla bla bla". she was telling me about the job task but seriously i did not even concentrate cos my heart was beating so fast tat time till i nearly pengsan!

i told her i nid to discuss tis wif my family 1st and get bek to her this Monday.

so the moment i hung up d fon, the 1st person i tot is u, Ma. how i wish i cud call u up and tellu tis big news! and im sure u will be happy and proud of me too. i remembered tat time u were sick i told u i want to transfer bek to Mlk, u were at happy at 1st, den u stop a while and said "i tink nvm la, u can stay at KL and work". silly of me to ask u why u wan me to stay at KL. and u replied "u love ur jobs over there and u have several increments there." ..... sigh ....

so now im not sure wat to do cos i do have commitments over here and i seriously wanna get my ass out of Mlk....for higher income wise too..of coz the more salary they offer u the more pressure u gonna get. i was telling myself tat if i don move on, den wen can i have another chance? aaarrggghhh........im so confuse.... *think think think*.

anyway, the other day, one of your close fren (also happen to be our neighbour) drop by at my working place to ask bout housing loan. she was chatting wif me bla bla bla and she asked bout the new car. wic i noe later on she will said "ur mum don have the luck to see such achievement u guys gonna get". my eyes was watery tat time but i stay strong. den she continued wif a smiling face "tat day i dreamt bout ur mum". straight away i burst out to tears in front of her and she cried too...

until today we still dream bout u...

http://susyandgeno.blogspot.com/2007_03_01_archive.html

last year, 24th February 2007, together with you we went for aunty's 61st birthday. i overheard u were telling aunty how lucky she has kids to treat all of us makan on her big day. den aunty was telling you that you sure to have chance as well. and the saddest part is wen u said "i dono whether i have the chance anot". aunty assured that u will have the chance....

and it turn out to be true...u nv got the chance...

wen u were in critical condition ... san yi approach me and said "girl, ur mum is running out of time. u girls have to decide whether to buried or cremate". i burst out to tears immediately wen she ask me that...i didnt blame san yi for askin me tat question, she's helping us for the preparation wise...

i sms Amy to ask whether we shud cremate or buried? and it even saddens me wen Amy replied "Cremate, Mama wants cremate". i was shock and sad! she had planned it all the way....i asked Amy wen did Mama said that? Amy replied years bek...

this year, 24th February 2008, we went out to the same restaurant again to celebrate aunty's 62 birthday. with her 6 lovely grandkids running around the restaurant, aunty was smiling non stop. but u did not have the chance to witnes ur grandkids running around happily n calling u grandma. i nearly burst out to tears at tat time, but i stay strong

Ma, till today.... for bout 8 months without u by our side, it was indeed very quiet...we had missed u a lot...

i miss u ........ =(

last year, u were happily giving out red packets ..... this year, we didn't get to hear your voice and laughter ....

last year, u saw every of your sisters gather around and u said "since everyone of us around, y don we take one picture with Mama. its been long time since we take pictures together". and that was the very last picture u had wif Popo and Ah Yi they all.

2 days before CNY, together with Ta Yi we went to pray u. Ta Yi was crying so hard and she said that all of us still don have to heart to let u go ... did u hear that Ma?

Ma, where r u now? .......

jeng jeng jeng jeng ~! my very 1st steam fish! taste turn out well...verbally taught by sayang on how to do tis dish and practically i did it myself! *so proud* (kindly pls ignore the mushrooms)

Ma, how i wish u cud taste my cooking now .....

oh yeah Ma, the other day cousin called up again. he asked bout our condition etc. he ask us do call him if we need anyting ... cannot deny that u're a good aunty and oso a good mother ...

so Ma, i drove this car bek just now. i shud be happy, but im not...the moment i step into my room, i burst out to tears. i feel sad that i cant show u tis car ... i feel so sad that i cant bring u around wif tis car .... wenever there's happy news, u're always the 1st person i will inform ... i cud still remember wen u're in hospital, wif ur sad eyes u look at me and said "how's your car plan? wen r u gonna buy?". and i answered u bek "wait till u're ok i will bring u out wif my new car yeah". u looked away afraid that i will be seeing ur sad face that tells me that u don have much time ... y didnt u wait Ma?

b4 u were sick, u told me if i ever wanted to get a car, u asked me to get 8392 car plate number, just like the saga car number we r using now. so i was at JPJ the other day wif Amy and Eric, hoping to get 8392. but the JPJ Officer was telling me that all the numbers start with the number 8 finished and now the new batch start wif the number 9. my heart broke into pieces ... Ma, if u're still around that time, i sure to call u up and ask for ur opinion ... *sigh* so, quickly i went to the notice board to cek on the numbers hoping to get the similiar number that u wish to haf. my eye stop at 9392 ... but Eric managed to found 9832 . 8392 = 9832. PERFECT~! without wasting time and afraid that the number will sold out, i quickly walk to the nearest counter and ask for the number and paid on the spot.

i told sayang im sad, and he said "u tot ur Mum wont be able to see meh? She sure to noe wan". i let out a smile ....

Ma,

yesterday popo and uncle drop by. the moment both of them step into our house, both teared non stop. i started crying too. i've known uncle for 27 years, this cool man had never cried in front of us b4. but he had cried over you several times....in front of us.

look at how big influence u r to all of them?

popo was gazing at your pic and she started asking "Y must it be you?"Tears welled in her eyes.
she shudnt cried since she had recently went for cataract operation. but i noe how she feel, the pain of letting u go....

its been 1/2 year since u left us, however the missing situation is really deep.

Ma, till today i still cry myself to sleep....and oso wenever i woke up...u'll always come to my mind....

Ma, i had really missed u so much...

earlier i was out wif Karen toking bout cars. den i told Karen there were one time me n u were chatting. u asked wat type of car that i wish to buy. i said "im gonna get a car whereby can 'sumbat' all of u all in!". and u smiled....i nearly burst out to tears jus now remembering the way u smiled....

wen i was at office just now, i was having serious flu, sneezing non stop...makes me recall sumting....i haf this habit of sneezing out loud at HOME...wenever i sneeze, u will freak out and said "haiyoo, u sneeze so loud u not sked u gonna freak Adrian off ah?". i just give u a cute smile...