its been 2 months since i update here. d missing feeling is still there, thinking wat were u doing up there...thinking whether did u ever drop by to visit us...sumtimes tears flow down without realising it.

d other day, went to MMC to visit a fren of mine. i pass by the room which u finally decide to leave the world and went to a better place. my heart ache, i nearly teared but i hold bek...sigh

till today...i still tink a lot about u...

i was browsing thru the magazines at The Borders and this poster catch my attention...

wedding day was supposed to be a happy event...but sumhow this bridegroom wasnt in a smiling face. right there in the poster stated "Wish you were here to share my happiest day,Mum". her mum did not survived in cervical cancer.

i noe how she feel...wenever i attend sumbody's wedding, my heart ache...i was putting myself into the bridegroom shoes and i nearly teared ... tinking tat u wont be here with me at this very big day. i remember wen the doctor ask u "do u wan to witness all ur daughter getting married and drink your son-in-law's tea?". u were nodding your head ... but it sadden me tat u really do not have the chance to witness ur girls getting married in front of u

last 2 years, your surprise birthday...i took leave on friday and shoot bek to mlk on thrusday after work without letting you noe. you were surprised wen i show up at the end of the birthday song.

tis year, which is on 11 July 2008 (chinese calander), i took leave on friday and shoot bek to mlk on thursday after work, but not to celebrate your birthday...but for your one year death anniversary. as usual, popo, ah yi and uncle shed tears

mother's day without u.... =(

and i still......miss u....... =(

last week, ta yi from spore and siao yi frm seremban came bek to Malacca. yay~! since my mum is not around anymore, my aunties are just like our mother this time. been calling us from time to time to ask bout us..chat with us and bring us out for dinner wen they're at Malacca.

so we met up for dinner together with popo. popo was so thin this time. she didnt put on her usual smiling face whenever she sees us. unlike last time, she's the happy go lucky type. she will tell jokes with us and gossip with us too, just like my mum...like Mother like Daughter. don mess with my popo cos she's d modern type! but now, her body shrink and her eyes swollen (been crying practically everyday just like me). i did tok to her not to cry as she had just went for cataract operation and its not good for her eyes...she answer me "The day your mum went till today, i still cry over her till today as well". i burst out to tears...even now as i was typing this..


while we were having dinner together, i was observing her tiny mouth munching the food. her eyes was watery and red, i noe that she's trying hard not to cry in front of me and my sisters.


by the time we finish our dinner and left the place, i saw her took out her handkerchief and wipe off her tears...


the next day, we met up for lunch. while ta yi was chatting with us, ta yi took out one picture from her handbag.

last year CNY pic they took together. she said "this pic is already 1 year. at that time, ur mum actually knows she's not feeling well ady, but she didnt see doc. her body shrink a bit huh?".

we quiet and i ask "Why did u bring that pic out?".

Ta yi answered "I aways carry this pic with me wherever i go".

My heart sank....

somehow, whenever im doing cooking alone at your kitchen, i will feel that u're standing close to me and gave me a proud smile .... proud smile that says i'm a grown up now ....

so wat im grown up? wats the point of growing up without u?

8 months without u was like a disaster...i seriously missed your voice and your laughter and wenever you join us making jokes around ....

again the same old question always comes to my mind...y must it had to be you!? i asked God this question wenever i do my prayers, but my heart went soft later on and i ask God to guard you all the time...taking care or you wen we r not around with u

Ma, can u drop by and visit us from time to time? i wish to see u soon.......