nobody else just like u Ma

Ma, yesterday i was chatting wif Karen. i ask whether she get used to it to be alone at home now or not. she say day time no issue but at nite she need sumbody to be wif her. she ask me why, i said wat if i go over to KL and work now? she replied ask ta jie come bek home early. den she said "sigh, y didnt mama wait for me to finish up my secondary? 3 more years leh". silent for 5 seconds, i look at her and tot she's gonna cry. so i said "don cry ah dont cry ah". den she look at me and said "im not gonna cry. it seems tat u the one tat cried a lot". den i burst out to tears again! and she said "don make me pour one pail of water at u ah". hahahah, she was trying to cheer me up ..

just now, i was in d room wif Amy and Karen. den i recall bek sumting. and i was smiling to myself and i shared wif Amy and Karen. i said "mama got one time asked wen i wanna get married wor. i told her no money, she said no money nvm wan, can engage 1st ma. i told her no money to engage la and mama said engage no nid money wan la". both of them smile and Karen said "Mama want to see u get married. she wanna have grandkids". i straight away interrupt and said "enuf ah". and i burst out to tears again .... even now ...

Ma, i manage to cook one of the dishes u taught me and it turn out well!! =) i even cooked radish soup. i've never feel so great in cooking b4! ah mah and popo came over to visit us today =) both of them really take care of us well ... no worries Ma ... miss u so much ...

>.<

i went thru one photo album and saw ur pic Ma. u were so happy cutting your birthday cake. and i burst out to tears non stop asking how r u over there.

sigh, how i wish u were here with us chatting with us and laughing all the way ....

She's an Angel

Ma, sumbody saw that u're an Angel now =) yes i noe bout tat, i noe u're in Pureland now. its just tat i miss u around *cries*

today, we went out wif popo and ah mah for dimsum. wen we were ordering, popo told me not to order so much and was telling me one small plate dono cost how much . i told her tat its ok since she's paying for us! hahahah...it was a joke anyway and she was giggling.

den afta dimsum, we tot of dropping by at 3 yi's place, so we ask popo whether she wan to go anot? den ta jie says "u walk to her house urself meanwhile we sit car". hahaha...den she told my ah mah tat we ask her to walk, and both of them were laffing ... and popo was saying "if oni their mother is still around". sigh, ya popo, if oni mama is still around wif us chatting happily there ...

2 months since u're gone

How r u there Ma? im sure u're happy wif ur life at pureland. no worries bout us over here, we'll take care of ourselves.

ystday ta yi called from spore and ask bout us. she burst out to tears the moment she was toking to me. ta yi, the happy go lucky person, had never cried in front of us b4 . she had always been cracking jokes especially with u Ma, she said u had always love her jokes so much wic is true becoz wenever both of u were toking on d fon, u will be laughing happily all d way. and i always smile seeing u so happy. ta yi at the age of 60 now had been facing sum difficulties .... in terms of health. so i told her not to worried bout us, we will take care of ourselves, and i ask her to take care of herself there.

i remember wen the very 1st time u were diagnosed with nose cancer. u went in and out from MMC few times too. wenever u're at hospital tat time, u always crack jokes with the nurses. the very last time wen u discharged from MMC, the nurses say "see u aunty!". and with ur spontanoues respond, u said "I dowan to see u all again". and u happily bid farewell to them.

luck wasnt with u wen u were diagnosed with cancer for the 2nd time. *sigh*. there were one time wen u're at the hospital, ur stomach bloated and u feel the tightness. u told the nurse tat u're having pain and u said "perut saya sakit, macam mau meletup". u still can crack joke at that time Ma.

and another time was wen a nurse came in, u complain to the nurse tat we make u not comfortable, and u said "dia orang macam hantu la, buat saya tak selesa". the nurse walk off with a smile.

there were one time wen u were resting, i help u to apply lotion at ur legs. den i suddenly burst out to tears. u heard me crying and open up ur eyes and ask why? i stop applying lotion, u grab both of my hands and i said "Ma, u will be alrite.". u gave me the look as though trying to say "i hav no choice gal. its all fated".

the other day popo told me she hope u'll appear at her dream. so far we 5 siblings had dream of u. at times 3 yi said she smell ur presence. tq for dropping by Ma.

Ma, im trying real hard to be strong. but i always break down wen im alone, even at the office. i wish u cud guide me the way to be strong just like how u guide me last time.

Dearest Ma, do take care ... we shall meet at pureland then. bye ...

Bunga Raya Porridge

Mum : lets go n eat mee hun kueh.
Us : where?
Mum : the place where we wait until wan mampus wan.


Bunga Raya Porridge located at Plaza Mahkota. my mum's favourite spot if she ever wanted to eat mee hun kueh ( her favourite food ). this makan stall usually will pack with customers and we have to wait quite long for our food. my mum called this place "wait until wanna mampus wan".

this is the place where me n my mum (only both of us) sit the very last time. Ma, i had missed u so much ....

i felt so lonely

i was supposed to go jogging after work with 2 of my other girlfrens. but both kenot make it so i went alone instead.

afta jogging, while i was driving, my mind got carried away. i was supposed to drive bek but sumhow my brain was controlling me and ask me to go sumwhere else instead. i just don like to stay at home nowadays. while i was driving, i burst out to tears alone...a lil...

so i drive myself to the nearest seaside near to MP and stop myself there. the sunset was so beautiful and the sea was so calm. i remember very well u said tat u love sea so much. and i told myself "Why didnt u wait for me to bring u out for vacation?". i cried myself out alone.

at that time wen u were at the hospital, u ask Dr Ashok repetitively wen can u discharge, Dr Ashok told u to go slow..and u replied..go fast go fast. and Dr Ashok was smiling all the way.

sigh ...

after settling down and since its getting late ,worried tat my sisters will be asking bout me, i dry up my tears and start driving bek ....

...

Ma, i went to Malacca Memorial Park to look for u today. i was tough at 1st. no tears ...

i wanted to stay longer .. but my tears start to flow down later on ... and i have no choice but to say good bye to u and leave u .......

Me .. being pampered ..

Ma, sumhow u like to dress me up and take pics of me ...

r u trying to say gudbye?

few years bek ....

a fren of mine called my housefon asking for me. my mum pick up d fon ...

Mum : Hello
My Fren : eh hello! later u bla bla bla (cudnt recall wat he asked)
Mum : U looking for who?
My Fren : oh sorry aunty. ur voice just like tricia.
Mum : of coz la! she's my daughter .

tats my mum, easy going person.

i went jogging ystday wif 2 girlfrens of mine and seriously i was having so much fun ...

till just now wen i was driving bek from work, u came to my mind again. i cud still remember very well ur look wen the paramedics carried u with the stretcher. u look at me with a sad face with watery eyes. r u trying to say gud bye to us Ma?

u always ask us to take care of ourselves..but u didnt even bother bout urself...ystday popo drop by and said "u ask us to take care of our own health but y didnt u take care of urself too?"

i remembered few months bek u complain to me tat u had a bad back pain. i didnt say much but just ask u to rest more. i shud have said "i'll take u for cek up". i shud have said tat!!!! y didnt i say so!!! why!!! if oni i brought u for cek up tat time, mayb we cud had detect the cancer earlier...mayb tat cancer wasnt at tat serious stage...whereby it cud cured...Ma, im sorry. im such a loser

Ma, i still miss u...very much ...

The Perfect Fan

It takes a lot to know what is love

Its not the big things, but the little things

That can mean enough

A lot of prayers to get me through

And there is never a day that passes by

I dont think of you

You were always there for me

Pushing me and guiding me

Always to succeed

Chorus

You showed me

When I was young just how to grow

You showed me

Everything that I should know

You showed me

Just how to walk without your hands

cause mom you always were

The perfect fan

God has been so good

Blessing me with a family

Who did all they could

And Ive had many years of grace

And it flatters me when I see a smile on your face

I wanna thank you for what youve done

In hopes I can give back to you

And be the perfect son

Chorus

You showed me how to love

You showed me how to care

And you showed me that you would

Always be there

I wanna thank you for that time

And Im proud to say youre mine

Chorus

cause mom you always were,

Mom you always were

Mom you always were,

You know you always were

cause mom you always were... the perfect fan

I love you mom

49days of vegetarian

49days of vegetarian lasted last nite. sum will ask "vegetarian for 49 days ok or not?". we'll answer "anyting for my mum, we will do it".

altho it has been 49days since u left us, i still tink of u.

wen u're sick tat time,
it hurt us so much wen ppl ask us to get prepared
it hurt us so much wen ppl ask us u wanna cremate or burried
it hurt us so much wen ppl ask us to prepared photos for ur wake
it hurt us so much wen ppl ask wat type of prayers u wan wen u're gone
it hurt us so much wen we have to start searching coffin for u
it hurt us so much wen we have to look for a place for u to place ur ashes since u had choosen to cremate

to be frank Ma, i was so positive u wil be ok tat i totally ignore those questions above. wen ppl ask us, i just walk off.

wen u're asleep, i will tell u its oni a small sickness and u will be ok. i even told u tat u will be able to witness wendy, amy n karen graduate. and u will witness all of us getting married too and we'll give u grandkids. and i even plan to ask u to look after my kids. hearing them calling u "popo" definitely will built a smile on my lips.

mayb im so positive all d while and tats y im still crying over u now Ma.

when you're gone

When you're gone

The pieces of my heart are missing you

When you're gone

The face I came to know is missing too

When you're gone

The words I need to hear to always get me through the day

And make it OK

I miss you

i was driving bek after swimming just now wen i heard tis song on the radio. my tears flow down non stop and i ask "Ma, where r u now?"

was working wen suddenly my mind went to sumwhere .... again i was tinking bout u Ma. how r u?

i miss u so much tat i feel like calling u and chat wif u .... but how? it's been quite sumtime since we chatted. Ma, im so afraid tat im gonna forget how your voice sound like ...

wen i was flipping thru the newspaper, i stop at one section ... its about the holiday pricing they listed down. i saw Bali and Langkawi's holiday package. u wanted to go to both of these places so much last time, but u didnt have the chance ... sigh ...

wen u were sick, i was so positive u will cure. and i planned to bring u to Singapore once u're well. and i planned to take family pics again ... there's so many stuff i wanted to do with u ... but none of my plans work out ...

Ma, i cud still feel your presence around us. i noe u're close to us ... take care Ma. remember to wait for me at Pureland .... see u there ....

I Miss U

i remember last time wenever i come bek , i will call out and said "Ma, im bek!!!".

den u will respon bek saying "I heard u" or u will come in front n greet me wif a smile.

but now ... even if i call for u, u will never show up

Ma, i still miss u. im trying hard to be strong, but the memories always come bek ... i wish i can hug u rite now

this coming saturday will be your 49days. wic means we will not be praying (i just hate to use the word 'praying' on u, Ma) u at home. we will be visiting u at Melaka Memorial Park instead. sigh ...

wen doctor told us u're gone, we went into the emergency room and look at ur motionless body. u were covered wif cloth, we cudnt see ur face. i was observing ur stomach, hoping to see some breathing movement. hoping for miracle AGAIN! but i was lying to myself AGAIN! there's no such thing as miracle!

if i cud turn bek the time, i hope tat the person who is suffering is not u Ma, but is me. i really want u to stay longer and witness all ur children getting married and giving u grandkids. and hearing ur grandkids calling u "popo".

sumtimes, i just wish tat i cud leave soon so tat i can be wif u Ma. i noe im stupid, but seriously ........ i miss u too much