so, i went lunch and shopping wif my sisters. they decided to have wan tan mee for lunch. amy approach me

Amy : u wan thick or thin noodles?

*me blur*

Me : usually wat Mama buy for me huh?
Amy : thin noodles.

i've realise tat i had been relying on my mum too much. *sigh*

after lunch, we went to Tesco to get sum groceries etc. amy den said "both of u (refering to me and Wendy), wanna get yogurt drinks? Mummy usually buy for both of you wen u guys came bek from KL." i let out a short sigh. Ma, how i wish u still wif us .... doing those shopping activities for us

Ma, remember this beautiful flowers? these are your most favourite flower.... wenever these flowers blossom, u will look at it and smile to youself.

as far as i noe, these flowers blooms once a year and oni blooms at midnite.but eversince after u left this world and step into a better place, these flowers had been blossoms quite often.....

3rd of December marks a special day for Ta Jie. yes, thats the day u brought her into this world Ma.

we got her a birthday cake and wen we were singign birthday song for her, i look at her face. Happy + Sad.

her sad looks was telling us that Mama is not with us today. it hurt us so much ...

if im the one that is making the birthday wish, i wish that i cud turn bek the time and make sure that u're always healthy ...

the other day i was at MP, sum shop turn on CNY song. i quikly walk off and nearly burst out to tears. unlike the past years, my heart sure to jump to joy wen i listen to CNY song .. but tis time..my heart break into pieces. for the past few years, CNY is the oni occasion where we will be going out together in a family and visit relatives and enjoying ourselves ... but tis time...i just dono how to go thru it without u ...

months has pass by ... the missing game is still there ... we still miss u so much ... wenever i woke up in the morning, i sure to tink wat were u doing up there and wen i was about to sleep , i will be thinking of you too ... been trying hard not to teared but i failed to do so ...

it's been 4 months since u left us.......how r u Ma? i bet u muz be enjoying ur life at Pureland =)

no worries bout us. uncles and aunties had been calling and dropping by our house from time to time to make sure we r ok =)
even cousins sumtimes will call us up and ask us to join them for breakfast

kenot be deny that ur family is the greatest family we had! caring and loving.

even that day wen Ta Yi came bek from Spore, she ask us out for dinner. San Yi and Popo tag along too. San Yi's reaction was just like u Ma, that i nearly teared wen i saw the way she tok and her body language....den Ta Yi's face look just like u! d moment i saw her, i cried ....

Ma, i heard sumting bout u from a fren of urs. wen u were a nurse at Jasin long long time ago, and this poor and really sick communist came over to buy medicine. u noe its againts the rules for helping communist, but with ur gud heart u sold the medicine to him eventhough u noe u're not allow to do so.

somehow, police found out bout it and they were looking for u....but with the help of God, they didnt manage to track u. and they drop the case ...

there were one time one of my ex college mate actually called me up around 3++am and complaining that she's having difficulty in breathing. i didnt noe wat to do but to wake u up and told u bout this issue. without asking much, u quickly woke up, dress up and follow me to pick up my fren and send her to hospital. u were there to take care of her while me standing there dont noe wat to do.

Ma, im so proud of u =) how i wish i had half of your kindness....

but Ma, i still don get it....y God had to take u away from us since there's so many gud deeds that u had done?

again...its all depend on fate...

Goddess of Mercy, Kuan Yin is one of your most favourite Buddhist God. i remember few years back, wen it was Kuan Yin's birthday u told me to drop by at Cheng Hoon Teng and light a josstick for Her.

Kuan Yin has 3 birthdays in a year. One wen She's born, two wen She became a Buddhist Monk and three wen she became a real Buddha.

and i've realised that the day wen u leave us (in chinese calender), it was Kuan Yin's birthday and wen its your 100th day, it was Kuan Yin's birthday too!!!

Ma, i guess it had been arranged by Her. She really loves you just like how much u had love her and how much of love u had poured to us. remember once u were chanting to yourself and u say u saw Amitabha and Kuan Yin smiling at you? =)

i guess you're happy over there with the other Buddhist God , especially Her; Kuan Yin.

Ma, i still miss you so much ... and im listening to one of your favourite song now "Nobody's Child" ..........

Yesterday Once More - The Carpenters

When I was young

Id listened to the radio

Waitin for my favorite songs

Waiting they played Id sing along

It made me smile

Those were such happy times

And not so long ago

How I wondered where theyd gone

But theyre back again

Just like a long lost friend

All the songs I loved so well

(*) every sha-la-la-la

Every wo-wo-wo

Still shines

Every shing-a-ling-a-ling

That theyre starting to sings

So fine

When they get to the part

Where hes breakin her heart

It can really make me cry

Just like before

Its yesterday once more

Lookin back on how it was

In years gone by

And the good times that I had

Makes today seem rather sad

So much has changed

It was songs of love that

I would sing to then

And Id memorize each word

Those old melodies

Still sound so good to me

As they melt the years away

Repeat (*)

All my best memories

Come back clearly to me

Some can even make me cry

Just like before

Its yesterday once more

Repeat (*)

one of your fav song from The Carpenters.

i cud still remember ur beautiful voice while humming and singing this song .....

vice versa

i remember that i will teared in d bus a lil last time wen i was on my way to KL..tats bcoz i have to leave u behind. and the other day, wen i was on my way to KL i teared in d bus cos u had left us ...

when i was at KL enjoying myself, u came to my mind at times .. but i divert my mind and focus on other stuff instead.

as i was packing my bag and preparing to go bek mlk, i ask sayang "dowan go bek can anot???". last year, wenever i was about to go bek Mlk, the excitement was there. i was like "yay yay, we r going bek...balik kampung". but now, the situation was like vice versa.

yesterday, i was out wif karen to pick amy up at Mlk Sentral. wen i was about to park my car waiting for amy, i saw one woman look just like u Ma. i keep quiet and keep on staring at her. after quiet for 5 minutes, i told karen "karen, u see that woman over there. she look just like Mama huh?".

karen quickly move over to me and ask where? i pointed to her and silent for 5 seconds. "ya la, she look like mummy leh. can we go there and hug her???". i ask her don be crazy. i was trying real hard to be strong not to cry, which i didnt cried, but i cried in my heart.

me and karen watch her until she leave... *sigh*

meaningless life

there's so many stuff that i wanted to tell u, miss telling u my stories..... *sigh*

till today, i kept wondering to myself why God took u away from us ... still wondering. i guess u had repay all ur past life debts. moreover i tink God felt sad wen He sees u feel so sick and weak, i guess He doesnt want u to suffer more pain and He really loves u more den we do. tats y He want u to be with Him now.

wen u were terribly sick, i always pray to Him asking for forgiveness from our family and beg Him to give u one more chance Ma. i even told Him that if He really want to bring u along, pls bring u to a better place.

few years bek u used to tell us that u're not sure whether u will have a long life or not and u will say that if ur 'eyes closed' u will not be able to see us again. it hurt me so much wen u said that .... Ma, i guess u noe u life journey wouldnt be that long, thats y u kept on hinting us asking us to take care of ourselves wen u're gone. *sigh*

everytime b4 i sleep, i will hope u will appear in my dream. sumtimes u do appear, sumtimes u dont.

new year without u is meaningless, mother's day without u is meaningless ... seriously, life without u is meaningless . everyting seems to be so meaningless ...

nobody else just like u Ma

Ma, yesterday i was chatting wif Karen. i ask whether she get used to it to be alone at home now or not. she say day time no issue but at nite she need sumbody to be wif her. she ask me why, i said wat if i go over to KL and work now? she replied ask ta jie come bek home early. den she said "sigh, y didnt mama wait for me to finish up my secondary? 3 more years leh". silent for 5 seconds, i look at her and tot she's gonna cry. so i said "don cry ah dont cry ah". den she look at me and said "im not gonna cry. it seems tat u the one tat cried a lot". den i burst out to tears again! and she said "don make me pour one pail of water at u ah". hahahah, she was trying to cheer me up ..

just now, i was in d room wif Amy and Karen. den i recall bek sumting. and i was smiling to myself and i shared wif Amy and Karen. i said "mama got one time asked wen i wanna get married wor. i told her no money, she said no money nvm wan, can engage 1st ma. i told her no money to engage la and mama said engage no nid money wan la". both of them smile and Karen said "Mama want to see u get married. she wanna have grandkids". i straight away interrupt and said "enuf ah". and i burst out to tears again .... even now ...

Ma, i manage to cook one of the dishes u taught me and it turn out well!! =) i even cooked radish soup. i've never feel so great in cooking b4! ah mah and popo came over to visit us today =) both of them really take care of us well ... no worries Ma ... miss u so much ...

>.<

i went thru one photo album and saw ur pic Ma. u were so happy cutting your birthday cake. and i burst out to tears non stop asking how r u over there.

sigh, how i wish u were here with us chatting with us and laughing all the way ....

She's an Angel

Ma, sumbody saw that u're an Angel now =) yes i noe bout tat, i noe u're in Pureland now. its just tat i miss u around *cries*

today, we went out wif popo and ah mah for dimsum. wen we were ordering, popo told me not to order so much and was telling me one small plate dono cost how much . i told her tat its ok since she's paying for us! hahahah...it was a joke anyway and she was giggling.

den afta dimsum, we tot of dropping by at 3 yi's place, so we ask popo whether she wan to go anot? den ta jie says "u walk to her house urself meanwhile we sit car". hahaha...den she told my ah mah tat we ask her to walk, and both of them were laffing ... and popo was saying "if oni their mother is still around". sigh, ya popo, if oni mama is still around wif us chatting happily there ...

2 months since u're gone

How r u there Ma? im sure u're happy wif ur life at pureland. no worries bout us over here, we'll take care of ourselves.

ystday ta yi called from spore and ask bout us. she burst out to tears the moment she was toking to me. ta yi, the happy go lucky person, had never cried in front of us b4 . she had always been cracking jokes especially with u Ma, she said u had always love her jokes so much wic is true becoz wenever both of u were toking on d fon, u will be laughing happily all d way. and i always smile seeing u so happy. ta yi at the age of 60 now had been facing sum difficulties .... in terms of health. so i told her not to worried bout us, we will take care of ourselves, and i ask her to take care of herself there.

i remember wen the very 1st time u were diagnosed with nose cancer. u went in and out from MMC few times too. wenever u're at hospital tat time, u always crack jokes with the nurses. the very last time wen u discharged from MMC, the nurses say "see u aunty!". and with ur spontanoues respond, u said "I dowan to see u all again". and u happily bid farewell to them.

luck wasnt with u wen u were diagnosed with cancer for the 2nd time. *sigh*. there were one time wen u're at the hospital, ur stomach bloated and u feel the tightness. u told the nurse tat u're having pain and u said "perut saya sakit, macam mau meletup". u still can crack joke at that time Ma.

and another time was wen a nurse came in, u complain to the nurse tat we make u not comfortable, and u said "dia orang macam hantu la, buat saya tak selesa". the nurse walk off with a smile.

there were one time wen u were resting, i help u to apply lotion at ur legs. den i suddenly burst out to tears. u heard me crying and open up ur eyes and ask why? i stop applying lotion, u grab both of my hands and i said "Ma, u will be alrite.". u gave me the look as though trying to say "i hav no choice gal. its all fated".

the other day popo told me she hope u'll appear at her dream. so far we 5 siblings had dream of u. at times 3 yi said she smell ur presence. tq for dropping by Ma.

Ma, im trying real hard to be strong. but i always break down wen im alone, even at the office. i wish u cud guide me the way to be strong just like how u guide me last time.

Dearest Ma, do take care ... we shall meet at pureland then. bye ...

Bunga Raya Porridge

Mum : lets go n eat mee hun kueh.
Us : where?
Mum : the place where we wait until wan mampus wan.


Bunga Raya Porridge located at Plaza Mahkota. my mum's favourite spot if she ever wanted to eat mee hun kueh ( her favourite food ). this makan stall usually will pack with customers and we have to wait quite long for our food. my mum called this place "wait until wanna mampus wan".

this is the place where me n my mum (only both of us) sit the very last time. Ma, i had missed u so much ....

i felt so lonely

i was supposed to go jogging after work with 2 of my other girlfrens. but both kenot make it so i went alone instead.

afta jogging, while i was driving, my mind got carried away. i was supposed to drive bek but sumhow my brain was controlling me and ask me to go sumwhere else instead. i just don like to stay at home nowadays. while i was driving, i burst out to tears alone...a lil...

so i drive myself to the nearest seaside near to MP and stop myself there. the sunset was so beautiful and the sea was so calm. i remember very well u said tat u love sea so much. and i told myself "Why didnt u wait for me to bring u out for vacation?". i cried myself out alone.

at that time wen u were at the hospital, u ask Dr Ashok repetitively wen can u discharge, Dr Ashok told u to go slow..and u replied..go fast go fast. and Dr Ashok was smiling all the way.

sigh ...

after settling down and since its getting late ,worried tat my sisters will be asking bout me, i dry up my tears and start driving bek ....

...

Ma, i went to Malacca Memorial Park to look for u today. i was tough at 1st. no tears ...

i wanted to stay longer .. but my tears start to flow down later on ... and i have no choice but to say good bye to u and leave u .......

Me .. being pampered ..

Ma, sumhow u like to dress me up and take pics of me ...

r u trying to say gudbye?

few years bek ....

a fren of mine called my housefon asking for me. my mum pick up d fon ...

Mum : Hello
My Fren : eh hello! later u bla bla bla (cudnt recall wat he asked)
Mum : U looking for who?
My Fren : oh sorry aunty. ur voice just like tricia.
Mum : of coz la! she's my daughter .

tats my mum, easy going person.

i went jogging ystday wif 2 girlfrens of mine and seriously i was having so much fun ...

till just now wen i was driving bek from work, u came to my mind again. i cud still remember very well ur look wen the paramedics carried u with the stretcher. u look at me with a sad face with watery eyes. r u trying to say gud bye to us Ma?

u always ask us to take care of ourselves..but u didnt even bother bout urself...ystday popo drop by and said "u ask us to take care of our own health but y didnt u take care of urself too?"

i remembered few months bek u complain to me tat u had a bad back pain. i didnt say much but just ask u to rest more. i shud have said "i'll take u for cek up". i shud have said tat!!!! y didnt i say so!!! why!!! if oni i brought u for cek up tat time, mayb we cud had detect the cancer earlier...mayb tat cancer wasnt at tat serious stage...whereby it cud cured...Ma, im sorry. im such a loser

Ma, i still miss u...very much ...

The Perfect Fan

It takes a lot to know what is love

Its not the big things, but the little things

That can mean enough

A lot of prayers to get me through

And there is never a day that passes by

I dont think of you

You were always there for me

Pushing me and guiding me

Always to succeed

Chorus

You showed me

When I was young just how to grow

You showed me

Everything that I should know

You showed me

Just how to walk without your hands

cause mom you always were

The perfect fan

God has been so good

Blessing me with a family

Who did all they could

And Ive had many years of grace

And it flatters me when I see a smile on your face

I wanna thank you for what youve done

In hopes I can give back to you

And be the perfect son

Chorus

You showed me how to love

You showed me how to care

And you showed me that you would

Always be there

I wanna thank you for that time

And Im proud to say youre mine

Chorus

cause mom you always were,

Mom you always were

Mom you always were,

You know you always were

cause mom you always were... the perfect fan

I love you mom

49days of vegetarian

49days of vegetarian lasted last nite. sum will ask "vegetarian for 49 days ok or not?". we'll answer "anyting for my mum, we will do it".

altho it has been 49days since u left us, i still tink of u.

wen u're sick tat time,
it hurt us so much wen ppl ask us to get prepared
it hurt us so much wen ppl ask us u wanna cremate or burried
it hurt us so much wen ppl ask us to prepared photos for ur wake
it hurt us so much wen ppl ask wat type of prayers u wan wen u're gone
it hurt us so much wen we have to start searching coffin for u
it hurt us so much wen we have to look for a place for u to place ur ashes since u had choosen to cremate

to be frank Ma, i was so positive u wil be ok tat i totally ignore those questions above. wen ppl ask us, i just walk off.

wen u're asleep, i will tell u its oni a small sickness and u will be ok. i even told u tat u will be able to witness wendy, amy n karen graduate. and u will witness all of us getting married too and we'll give u grandkids. and i even plan to ask u to look after my kids. hearing them calling u "popo" definitely will built a smile on my lips.

mayb im so positive all d while and tats y im still crying over u now Ma.

when you're gone

When you're gone

The pieces of my heart are missing you

When you're gone

The face I came to know is missing too

When you're gone

The words I need to hear to always get me through the day

And make it OK

I miss you

i was driving bek after swimming just now wen i heard tis song on the radio. my tears flow down non stop and i ask "Ma, where r u now?"

was working wen suddenly my mind went to sumwhere .... again i was tinking bout u Ma. how r u?

i miss u so much tat i feel like calling u and chat wif u .... but how? it's been quite sumtime since we chatted. Ma, im so afraid tat im gonna forget how your voice sound like ...

wen i was flipping thru the newspaper, i stop at one section ... its about the holiday pricing they listed down. i saw Bali and Langkawi's holiday package. u wanted to go to both of these places so much last time, but u didnt have the chance ... sigh ...

wen u were sick, i was so positive u will cure. and i planned to bring u to Singapore once u're well. and i planned to take family pics again ... there's so many stuff i wanted to do with u ... but none of my plans work out ...

Ma, i cud still feel your presence around us. i noe u're close to us ... take care Ma. remember to wait for me at Pureland .... see u there ....

I Miss U

i remember last time wenever i come bek , i will call out and said "Ma, im bek!!!".

den u will respon bek saying "I heard u" or u will come in front n greet me wif a smile.

but now ... even if i call for u, u will never show up

Ma, i still miss u. im trying hard to be strong, but the memories always come bek ... i wish i can hug u rite now

this coming saturday will be your 49days. wic means we will not be praying (i just hate to use the word 'praying' on u, Ma) u at home. we will be visiting u at Melaka Memorial Park instead. sigh ...

wen doctor told us u're gone, we went into the emergency room and look at ur motionless body. u were covered wif cloth, we cudnt see ur face. i was observing ur stomach, hoping to see some breathing movement. hoping for miracle AGAIN! but i was lying to myself AGAIN! there's no such thing as miracle!

if i cud turn bek the time, i hope tat the person who is suffering is not u Ma, but is me. i really want u to stay longer and witness all ur children getting married and giving u grandkids. and hearing ur grandkids calling u "popo".

sumtimes, i just wish tat i cud leave soon so tat i can be wif u Ma. i noe im stupid, but seriously ........ i miss u too much

i miss u ...

as i was drinking ABC soup just now, i recalled sumting ....

i remembered wen u went for the second chemo, i cooked one big pot of ABC soup. u taste my ABC soup first and i asked u how is the taste? u said very nice.

so i got myself one bowl of ABC soup later on and tasted the potato and said "wei Ma, the potato isnt fully cooked yet".

u gave me the innocent look as though u doesnt want to hurt me wen i asked u how's d soup. its ok Ma, im still learning.

the very last time u tasted my soup was white raddish soup. u compliment on it. tat was the last time i cooked for u ...

cried again as i woke up tis morning tinking bout u ... i just miss u too much ... it hurt me so much wen i have to light u a josstick wenever i miss u. i don't wan to be this way, i wan face to face where u'll respon to me ... but again i noe it wont simply happen ...

Ting Mama De Hua

i was listening to my own mp3 at office wen i saw one song which have no title and artist name. curiousity kills the cat. so i play tat song and listen.

tears strolling down again wen the song i played was sang by Jay Chou and title "Ting Mama De Hua" (listen to you mother).

i remembered few weeks bek, i called Karen's cellphone wen her caller ringtone was tat song too. i cried a lil. i manage to ask her whether she still have tat caller ringtone , she said she no more. i asked why .. she din answered, but i noe wats her real reason ... she had missed u too Ma.

and this afternoon wen i was having lunch wif Kodok at one of the nearby cafe, the same song appear at the cafe and my heart broke into pieces.

i was having a terrible menses earlier and the 1st person came to my mind is my mum. she had always listen to my complain bout all these pain i had been experiencing. but now, i have no idea who to complain. and i told myself "Ma, where r u?". tears stroll down non-stop.

i remembered wen i was working at KL and wen my mum was not diagnosed wif liver cancer ... wenever i came bek to Mlk, i will not go out till my mum left for work. and if i were to go out, i will make sure i come bek earlier so tat i have plenty of time to be wif my mum. sumhow i just got the feeling i really nid to spend more time wif my mum. there were one day wen i got bek home early from an outing wif my frens, she ask how come im bek so early? i told her tat im old ady and don't have the energy to hang out tat much. she laff and said "ni shen cai hen kuai le". (now u very good ady). but the fact is i lied to u Ma. its not bout "don't have the energy to hang out tat much" ................... i actually wanted to see u more.

again ....

the other day at office,i called up Sharon, she started interrupting me and told me she had dream bout my family. she assured me not to worry as she knows my mum trying to tell her tat she's happy there and wanted to pass msg to us not to worry. i know Ma tat u're happy there .. its just tat i miss u too much

it was indeed a nice dream and i cried while listening to her.

i hung up d fon and cried a lil and smile to myself saying it was a gud news.

i nearly pik up the fon and started dialing my house number and wanted to tok to her..my mum. but i forgot she's no longer with us but happily at Pureland with Amitabha.

i remembered wen i was working at KL, wenever i had the free time at office i will definitely called my mum and chat with her asking whether she had taken her meals, wat is she doing and wat other gossip news to be shared wif me.

and if i received any good news, she's d 1st person i called up and share out my good news with.

but now it had changed .... * sigh *

i was out wif my girlfrens just now for breakfast and received comment saying tat i had thin down. remind me of sumting. wen i was taking care of my mum at hospital, i happily told mama tat i had thin down. and she gave me tat -______-" face. haha! damn miss her.

last nite wen i was about to sleep, i think bout u again. wondering wat u doing there. and i doze off. tis morning i woke up and think bout u .. tears stroll down again ...

its been a month..

since u gone

i still miss u

everynite wen i was about to go to sleep, i'll be thinking of u Ma. wondering how r u etc

wen i woke up, i will think bout u too .. and tears flow down ...

eversince d day u left us, 3 yi (third aunty) had been staying wif us and taking care of us. she had been sleeping in the same room wif me which is your room too.

one nite, while i was soundly asleep, sumbody was covering my cold legs with blanket. i open my eyes and it was 3 yi. i just hope tat was u , Ma.

i miss those times wen im small. wen i was about to go to sleep, i always say gud nite to u and give u flying kisses. and u respon bek too.

those were the sweet days ... wic i will cherrish it ... forever ...

I'm just not strong enuf

Dearest Mum,

as i was lighting a josstick for u just now, my tears automatically flow down. i'm trying real hard to control myself ... but i wasn't strong enuf. i still miss u Ma, very much indeed ....

'san yi' (3rd aunty) had been doing a lot of prayers for u so tat u can have a better and smoother life (which we're positive u're indeed experiencing it now). and she had been taking gud care of us. not oni 'san yi' alone, other uncles and aunties (your brothers and sisters) too had been taking care of us very well. so no worries Ma ...

a fren of 'san yi' called 'san yi' just now but 'san yi' went to temple to do prayers for u. i told her tat 'san yi' went out to do prayers and 'san yi' fren was touched and said tat was indeed very gud of her. Ma, u really have a gud family wic really take care of us well. we were lucky for tat too .. untill then Ma, do take care and wait for us at Pureland ...

How?

Dearest Mum,

House had became upside down since u're gone. all of us are not sure wat to do at times especially me, till i nearly broke down to tears wen i was doing the housework all by myself.

Seriously, i had no idea how u handle the house chores all by urself. ur daily routine was to do housework early morning till 3pm. den had ur bath and straight to work wic is from 4pm to 11pm. and u came bek home after tat and did a lil housework. how did u manage to do all by urself ???

ta jie will be waking up at 630am doing washing etc until she was supposed to go for work. and as for me, after work i will be heading home making sure u're dearest Bao Bei , Karen did her homework. after dinner i will be washing the dishes etc as well. now we understand how u had been struggling to maintain this house in gud condition.

Ma, it has been quite sumtime since we last chatted. i miss u ... again *cries*

and the memories came back ...

Ma, while i was cleaning ur pillow just now, i saw few strains of ur hair. and i started to miss u again ...

karen dreamt of u the other day. she dreamt tat she hug u n cried. and with ur soft voice u said "haiya, my tis lil girl".

d other day ta jie was crying to herself. d moment i saw her cried i cried too .... we just miss u too much Ma ...

time will heal..time will heal... *sigh*

its been 2 weeks since u're gone

ma, i still miss u so much ...been thinking a lot bout u.

and seriously, i still cannot accept the fact that u're gone. i acted as though u went for a long holiday.

yesterday i dreamt that i miss u but u're not in my dream. i miss u so much that i cried in my dream and wen i woke up, my eyes were wet.

i remembered ur last year's birthday falls on Friday. i purposely took leave on Friday without telling u so tat i cud give u a surprise, and shoot bek to Mlk on Thursday night and even bought u a cake all d way from KL. i noe u wont be around till 11pm. i quickly took shower and wen u came bek later on, i was hiding inside sister's room. u notice my towel were wet and u question my sister asking who had been using my towel. i guess u're observant or shall i say that u actually miss me ? so my sister lied tat she accidentally used my towel. and by the time its 12am, we started bringing out the cake and sing u birthday song and i show up at the end of the song. u were surprised! it was indeed a surprise bday for u mama. we asked u to make a wish and u wish tat all of us had a gud career and smooth life in future. but mama, y didnt u wish for urself? y didnt u wish tat u had a smooth life and wish for longevity? again u tink bout us...

amy was checking thru ur wallet the other day. and she saw my photo in ur wallet. there's no other photo except for my photo. i guess u do miss me a lot, just like how i miss u now ....

5 months bek wen we noe u're sick, i got u a Mystic Knot keychain from World of Fengshui. This wonderful knot symbolizes a long and happy life enriched with endless good fortunes, and uninterrupted by illnesses or setbacks. u took ur keys together with this keychain and said "Gal, lets hope tat this wonderful keychain will help me ya". my heart broke into pieces and i nearly cried out.

wen u were informed tat u were diagnosed with liver cancer, all of us broke into tears. but u were there cheering us up. we noe tat deep down in ur heart, u were like us too ... crying hard.

popo told me tat u informed her i've changed into a better person. thank u ma ... tats because u thought me how to appreciate our family and our loves one.

wen ur frens drop by to pay u last respect, ur frens saw me and said "u look just like ur mum wen she's young". i gave them a huge smile and feel proud!

ma, the other day i make ah yi cried. i told her tat i miss u so much, she was touched and she cried.

few years bek i was crying to myself due to sum reason, u gave me a hug and cried together with me. thank u ma ...

i remembered sumtimes i called u "aunty" or "madam wong" or "ah wong" instead of mama. in fact u don mind and u can respond bek saying "haiyo, aunty oso wish this tat la". and instead of saying bye i said "chiao" to u. we were just like close frens!

ma, how i wish u're still here with us. we miss ur voice, ur laughter, ur jokes, ur cooking and ur soft touch.

wen we siblings were chatting together, we will say "mama will do this mama will do tat". sigh

i heard sumthing gud bout u. we were happy bout tat news too. do take care mama. i'll always pray to Amitabha ask Him to take care of u.

gud bye ma ...

U Will Be Blessed, Ma

wen ask those that knows my mum, they will give my mum one thumbs up and says she's a very very good woman.

among my siblings, im one of mama's kid that always gives her problem . and she will settle my issues behind my back without informing me. i remembered once, during secondary time i was betrayed by one of my close fren. mama knows bout it even if i din tell her. so one day, tat fren of mine called me but i wasnt around. mama spoke to her on d fon and says she wanna meet my fren. so mama cycle to meet my fren without informing me. mama on behalf of me apologise to my fren if i happen to offended her. i was touched.

i remembered too wen i was having issues with my ex. she was there for me helping me out to settle the issue. she knows im down and she will approach me and we talk things out.

wen i was a young kid, around 5years old, i was having a serious asthma attack. it was 11++ pm . papa was out, mama tried to called him but to no avail. then, she quickly grab her purse and walk to Semabok Clinic which is about 2km. she came bek home after midnite and quickly feed me the medicine. and i doze off without and chesty cough and wheezing.

wen mama was informed that she had been diagnosed with liver cancer , her heart sank. but she took up the challenge and go for chemos. doctor says he will cure mama and mama was so positive and told us not to worry for her. Ma, u're indeed very strong....

i was thinking whether to transfer back to Mlk or not. so i called her up and ask her opinion. mama was happy about my idea and she says at least i can see her more often. tat's the time i noe she's getting prepared to leave us.

but wen mama went for the 4th chemo, doctor says its hopeless and estimated mama oni have lesser than 6 months to go. our heart sank. i told myself "why must it be her? she's such a nice woman". i called her up tat nite and ask bout her. she burst out to tears and says "im still worry for you kids".

i told her im resigning and she told me not to do so. i told her "Ma, u had been taking good care of us very well. its about time we take care of u. there are plenty of jobs out there, but i oni have one mama".

she really take care of us very very well. and always hope tat we have a comfortable house to stay. cleaning, cooking, washing etc is what she will do everyday without fail.

she knows she do not have much time left. so mama quickly settle sum unfinished house chores. she make sure the air cond is serviced, fix a new shower for us, fix a new water filter for us, get more clothing for us etc etc.

mama went in and out from hospital few times. 2 weeks before i resigned, i went bek Mlk to look after her. den i resume my work till my last working day. i was informed she was admitted to MMC. so after work, i straight away shoot to mlk MMC. the moment i went into the room, i burst out to tears. just in 2 weeks time, she became so thin. oni 2 weeks time! we grab each other hands so tight. i was crying in front of her, but she gave me a sweet smile.

days pass by. she became more weak and weak. she cannot even sit up. all she can do is lie down on the bed. mama could not talk tat much. i miss her voice. everything seems to be so quiet.

mama was sick for 5 months and she was hiding from my grandma, afraid that popo cannot take it as she's already 82 years old. so one day, my grandfather (father side) visit her and advise her to inform my popo. after several times of asking mama's permission to let my popo know, finally mama agreed.

the emotional situation happen again wen my popo came to hospital. both were grabbing hands so tight and my popo tell her "u will be alright". since mama cannot tok much, she have to use hand signal. she told my popo tat we 5 daughters will take care of my aunties and popo. sumtimes we don understand her hand signal, so we gave her a pen and paper and she wrote ...

" I'm dying soon
Don't worry
Please take care of my children
Thanks "

the moment she finish tat sentence, she drop down the pen and paper and eyes closed. her pulse stop and we quickly ask for doctor. thank God she was ok later on.

tat nite itself, we asked mama whether she wanna discharge from hospital. she nod her head. we brought her back and do more chanting for mama so that wen she's about to go, mama will follow Amitabha to Pureland, whereby there's no worries, sorrow and pain. a very lovely place after life . the moment we reach our house, it was pas midnight and it was her chinese birthday. i said "Mama, Happy Birthday!!!". mama gave me a sweet smile and i will never forget tat smile!

mama lying on the bed follow our chanting with her hands clasping together. she got a bit tired and she actually requested us to tie her hands . we told her "mama u can do your prayers in your heart. Amitabha will know you're indeed very sincere."

there were one nite, she suddenly chant very loud. we started praying. den with her eyes closed she says "Amitabha smiling at me. Kuan Yin Liang Liang ( Goddess of Mercy ) too". we did not get worried but we gave a huge smile. at least we know tat Amitabha will bring her to Pureland.
then she got weak again. we decided to bring her to hospital. 2 doctors rejected my mum since they say its hopeless. but one good doctor accepted mama and she's getting better after few days. during those nite, mama always tok in her sleep. mostly about house condition and also bout us, her 5 daughters. she still worried bout us and the house. wen she wake up she will ask "Bao Bei leh?". she's refering to Karen.

grandfather once asked mama anything she wana tell him. mama ask him to take care of us. again she's worried bout us.....

she didnt tok much. whenever she start toking, we make sure we remember and tresure her voice. miss her voice so much.

wen she's asleep, she was like a beautiful baby soundly asleep. we clean her, massage her body etc. she coudnt eat much, so we fed her milk.

one day, at the hospital wen i was taking care of her at nite, i told her i was cold. she wanted to gave me her blanket. i told mama im fine. i rest my head beside her and she gently use her hand and tidy up my hair. i grab her hand and we slept.

one day papa told mama tat wendy graduating in 2 years time. mama said papa still have 10 more years time. papa asked "What about you?". Mama replied "I do not have much time left".

she was at the hospital for about 2 weeks. whenever the doctor came in to examine her, mama ask doctor wen can she discharge. doctor says mama too weak. so one day papa asked doctor wen can she discharge. doctor personally tok to my mama "U really wanna go bek home?". mama nod her head and so doctor allow her to go bek.

she was so happy tat time tat she reminded us not to leave any of our stuff at the hospital. wen my elder sister went to settle mama's discharge procedure, i was in the room with mama alone. she ask how is my car buying planning goes? she wanted to come out downpayment for me. i said "Wait till u're ok den we tok bout tis. once u're ok, i wanna bring u makan angin". den i told her i wanna do sume arrangement for my room. i said i wanna do tis do tat and she replied with a cute voice "Up to u la".

wen we reach home, she told us to buzy with our stuff. so we let mama rest in the room. den she wanted to watch TV. since she kenot even sit up or walk, we told her to rest in the room. she gave me a sad look. i remember very well tat poor look. so me and my sisters slowly carry her to the living room and let her watch TV. after few hours, she got tired and we carry her bek to her room.

we clean her, change diapers for her, make sure she had medication, food and water on time.she was like a sweet baby. and tats the time i realise wat is a human life cycle. she brought us up to this world , take care of us, fed us, make sure we had proper meals etc....and tis is our time to take care of her.

we bought her an adjustable bed ( just like the bed for patients at the hospital ), we get her an oxygen machine since she kenot breath well, we bought a blood pressure gadget to cek her blood pressure etc etc. the 1st day was ok. but after tat she becoming more weak and weak. sumtimes, wen we wake her up, she cannot even wake up. we know sumthing is wrong. we requested a private doctor to examine her. doctor came. while examining mama, doctor said we really take care of her very well. i replied the doctor "That's because she had been taking care of us very very well".

after examining mama, doctor says he wanna tok to us in the hall. so we leave mama in the room a while. doctor suspect tat the cancer cell had spread to mama's brain. tats y no matter how hard we wake her up she will not wake up. he told us to get prepared.

the very next day, her stomach got bloated wic was unusual. she had chesty phlegm and was having difficulty in breathing. we called an ambulance. by the time the medical officers place my mum on the stretcher, her phlegm stop and she finally open her eyes. i cud see her eyes watery. we told her we gonna bring her for a short check up.

we reach hospital. nurses and doctor started panicking. less den 5 minute, doctor came out and said "there's no heartbeat, no pulse, she passed away". it was 1.11am , 22 July 2007.

i blif her watery eyes earlier was a gudbye sign to us. i blif she doesnt want us to see her passed away. i blif she doesnt want us to cry in front of her. again, she tink of us.

we brought her bek and look at her face. she went off peacefully with a smiling face. my aunty said mama had followed Amitabha to Pureland.

relatives and frens drop by to pay last respect to u. u were like an angel at tat time. everybody said tat u shudnt leave so soon. saying y must it be u. saying u're so good. saying that u haven't even witness any of your daughters tie the knot. remember once wen doctor said its helpless and we brought u to see Chinese Doctor instead? and this Chinese Doctor was telling you that if you want to witnes ur daughters get married, u haf to fight for it. and u nod your head...and i was crying out loud hugging u... but i tink God had given u a chance b4 wen u were diagnosed with nose cancer for the 1st time and u succeeded. but wat to do, Amitabha loves u more den we loves u.

Ma, i still cudnt accept the fact tat u're gone. i cud still feel ur presence around. but i know u had been blessing us. Amy was supposed to have her mid term exam on thursday, wic is your funeral day. but surprisingly the mid term was cancelled!! u blessed her ma. i contact my senior ex colleague earlier and asked whether Mlk SCB still have any vacant for me. she replied no more left. b4 i send u off, i told u to bless me wif a job asap, and after i send u off Ma, i received a sms from my senior ex colleague saying Mlk do have vacancy for me. Ma, thank u for blessing me too! u answered my prayers.

i remember the way u wipe off my tears whenever i cried. i will never forget your soft touch.

house became so quiet. we miss ur voice, ur laughter, ur jokes, ur cooking and the very most important one is we miss u so much. do forgive us if we ever hurt ur feelings. but i noe u will not keep in mind our mistakes. u're such a nice mother.

Ma, in future do wait for me at Pureland. we want to reunited with u!

even if all of us were to reincarnate, we the 5 daughters want u to become our mother again! we have never regret to have u as our mother.

i pray to Amitabha, ask Him to take care of u. don worry about us, we know how to take care of ourself. take care Ma. we love u.

14th July 1952 - 22nd July 2007

for fun

** on d fon **

me : bla bla bla bla
mum : bla bla bla bla

-- line breaking --

me : ma, i can't hear u, ur line breaking la
mum : huh? roti canai? wat roti canai???
me : -______________-"

im going bek!

phone conversation between me n my manager :

Manager : Faster say thank you
Me : *???* for wat?
Manager : Just say thank you la
Me : i don simply say thank you wan
Manager : there, u just said thank you . hahahaha
Me : -.-!
Manager : Congratulations, u get to go bek to your mum
Me : *happy tears nearly flow down* serious??
Manager : yeah la. u will officially transfer back to Mlk 1st July.
Me : thank you thank you ( too happy ady ah )
Manager : u better give ur mum my number and ask her to call me. if it's not becos of ur mum i will never let you go! anyway we will definitely miss you.
Me : *awww, nearly cried out*

LOL~!

ok, i request to transfer due to personal issue. and my manager wud seek approval from both sides; which is from my lady boss and the other party. both agreed and i will be going bek for good this coming July. ( for good? guess so )

i was happy and sad at the same time.

happy whereby i cud go bek to my family.

sad whereby i will be leaving this company which appreciate my work, bosses that said thank you to you ( unlike some boss which is ego ... bla bla bla ), friendly collegues, im so going to miss KL shopping complex, miss clubbing with my colleagues, miss watching movies , lepaking, karaoke and yumcha wif my colleagues and im so going to miss my sayang.

thinking that he will be alone at KL, sleeping alone in a big room, having meals alone etc etc.

so kesian....so here i come mlk!

.....

i had been feeling down for the past few days, till i cried to myself at times. sigh

im trying to be real strong, but wenever i look at 'her' my emotional turn upside down.

so i called up my best fren and ask to meet up. ( i didnt plan to go out at the 1st place, but the depression is killing me ) .

pick her up and chatting all d way. and felt relief after that. phew~!

2ml i'll be going bek to KL. time flies pretty fast! i was here last wednesday and 2ml im shooting bek to KL! its like as though im here for like 2 days oni!! >_<

ok ,enuf of tat. feeling sleepy now. gud nite~!

mini twister?

last nite around 1145pm, while i was chatting wif my mum in my bedroom, the weather suddenly change into a serious windy situation. at 1st i tot it was like sumkind of normal wind, but we got a shock wen the wind started blowing damn hard and our house cud feel a lil vibration. the pressure was so high that our hearing started to lessen.

at the same time, we cud hear some flying object which actually hit our roof and ended up crack! it was like a mini tornado. we started to panic.

after the huge windy thing, heavy rain started to pouring down and in few minutes its started to drizzling.

neighbours started to walk out and ask wat is happening. trust me, sum roofs even flew off~! now u can imagine how big the wind it is. even ntv7 news came out about this issue.

mini twister?

last nite around 1145pm, while i was chatting wif my mum in my bedroom, the weather suddenly change into a serious windy situation. at 1st i tot it was like sumkind of normal wind, but we got a shock wen the wind started blowing damn hard and our house cud feel a lil vibration. the pressure was so high that our hearing started to lessen.

at the same time, we cud hear some flying object which actually hit our roof and ended up crack! it was like a mini tornado. we started to panic.

after the huge windy thing, heavy rain started to pouring down and in few minutes its started to drizzling.

neighbours started to walk out and ask wat is happening. trust me, sum roofs even flew off~! now u can imagine how big the wind it is. even ntv7 news came out about this issue.

aunty's birthday

its my aunty's 61st bday. doesnt look like 61 oso. look more younger.

and there it is my mum trying to act cute, doing the V sign -_-"